is the sun setting or rising?

 In career, mindfulness, presence, relationships

The question came after a long deep breathe. “How do I know when I’m done?”

He was talking about his job. Should he stay or go? Later that week another client asked the same question, but about her employee – should she keep coaching him or cut him loose? And days later, another. Only this time she was asking about her dating relationship.

I call each of these experiences an Energetic Contract. Whether it’s in a paid job, volunteer role, or even a relationship, there is a natural life span to each experience.

Ignore the signs that the contract is complete,
and the signs become louder. More dramatic.
We burn out. Become bitter. Get fired.

Our Energetic Contracts have chapters, much like the morning, afternoon and evening of a long spring day. At the end of that ‘day’ you choose (consciously or otherwise) if you end or renew the contract for another day, albeit with changes to the fine print.

Can you notice now if the sun is setting on this contract, or rising for renewal?

The morning of a contract is filled with learning from those around me – there is excitement in the newness of it all. Adventure, challenge, even steep learning curves. We feel this in fresh relationships too – the thrill of getting to know a new partner or friend.

The afternoon of a contract is about expansion. In this phase of a job I’ve built enough expertise that I can now contribute more powerfully. My learning shifts inward. To notice my old patterns – to release – to unlearn. In relationships I’m opening to more emotional intimacy. Then comes the triggering. My old stories come back up to poke me because they are ready to be released.

Can I choose to release them?
Can I choose to let the sun set on an old cyclical thought pattern to make space for the next greatest version of myself to rise up?

The evening of a contract is for integration. At work that might include mentoring, systemizing, or building legacy. In relationship this is when my gaze shifts from inward growth to ‘seeing’ the relationship as an entity separate from me and you. A living creature that has grown, evolved and changed. How do I fit with this creature now? How do I tend to it? What does it need?

The goal for me on this journey is to cultivate self-awareness of where I’m at in the lifespan of that contract. And then courageously choose when to end it…or renew it with evolved terms of reference. Terms that are in my highest good and the highest good of those I’m connected to.

We always have choice. Breathe. Notice. Choose.

Online courses are coming! On Conscious Parenting, Conscious Coaching and Conscious Leadership. MORE HERE.

We’ve launched a new Leadership Coaching model that kicks off with a 2 hour super-session. Then 6 months of powerful 1-on-1 sessions. All by phone. Or in person if you live in Kelowna, BC. Email to request an inquiry conversation. Best PD investment you’ll ever make.

I would never have built a mindfulness ritual without help. My clients are loving as a tool to sink into presence. One skeptic told me weeks after I shared it “I can’t hear it enough! I even convinced my wife to do it.” Try the free meditations or listen to the soothing sounds to come into presence.

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